Who We Were and Who We Become
by Too Young to Feel This Tired
Summary: He didn't know how someone who he used to ignore and thought didn't like him ended up being someone so important to him.He also didn't know how that someone who he knew so well could become such a stranger.


**Title: Who We Were and Who We Become **

**Summary: He didn't know how someone who he used to ignore and thought didn't like him ended up being someone so important to also ******didn't know** how that someone who he knew so well could become such a stranger.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything**

**Secret Santa Present for Sheri / Fiveyas**

* * *

**Then**

Number Five stopped writing as he carefully listened to the sound coming from outside the hallway. It sounded delicate and a bit sad. He didn't recognize the song, but he wasn't very familiar with many songs of classical performers or nowadays ones for that matter, much to Three's annoyance. It caused him to feel a certain way, like if he was stuck in the house for too long looking out of the window on a rainy day with not much to do just watch the gloomy sky. Still, it was fascinating and beautiful in its gloomy way.

He put the pen down and walked out of the door to the hallway to scan it. The sound was louder and clearer there. Even before he knew it was a violin being played, but he was confused about who was playing it. Naturally, his first assumption was Number Seven, but that couldn't be right. She was only given the violin a couple of weeks ago. The damning sound she was producing at those early days couldn't be compared to the beautiful melody he could hear now. And yet the sound was coming from the room right opposite from his. It was the smallest room on the entire floor, almost a closet than a room.

He walked closer to the door and stopped close by but didn't knock or open them. He wasn't sure what he wanted, but he didn't want to interrupt Seven now when she was clearly giving her best performance. It was astonishing really, and Five found himself smiling at how far she had come, how good she had gotten in such a short time.

He knew she practiced. He knew based on how often Three was screaming at the top of her lungs for her to stop or how Two purposely played One's recorded loud enough to tune the sound of the violin out. But still to manage to become so good. She was a natural in his mind.

Without wanting to disturb her playing he returned to his room making sure to leave his door wide open. He picked up his pen and returned to the spot he left off his eyes for a moment closed just taking in the sound of the song before he continued. It was oddly calming. It was a white noise in the background of his mind which helped him focus his thoughts and equations. He returned to work, but a part of his brain still listened to Seven's playing. It was in his mind extraordinary.

* * *

'It was good,' told her Five the first time he caught her on the stairs on her way to dinner. Unfortunately, he didn't think about the consequences of startling someone who was clearly daydreaming, not to mention someone who didn't practice six hours a day every day to stay sharp and alert.

Seven missed a step and almost ended at the bottom of the stairs if it wasn't for Five catching her sleeve and pulling her back against his side quickly without thinking of anything but keeping her from harm.

She blinked and looked up at him before hiding her face behind her hair like she always did with a soft barely heard, 'Sorry.'

He blinked, 'It's my fault really. I'm the one who startled you.'

She didn't say anything looking away from him to the hand still holding her sleeve.

Five careful released it, and she remained on the stairs with him. After a certain time, Five didn't even realize he rarely spent time with Seven. It wasn't just him. It was all of them. He wasn't sure when did it start or how, but he clearly remembered spending time with her when they were little four, five, and then just not. Maybe after she got sick or maybe because she was ordinary and they tended to get rough when they played with each other using their abilities, cheating, trying each other out. Still, they didn't play with Seven very often after a certain age, and then it just seemed natural not to spend time with her or talk to her. She always seemed so quiet following dad around with a watch or notes.

Dad always talked about how ordinary she was and not really a part of the Umbrella Academy. Five and rest always took it as a fact. Seven was in the house, she was their sister but she was also an outsider, not one of them. He never really paid attention to the fact, or to her in general until he heard her play. He wasn't sure why he was so ignorant of her. Maybe because of what Sir Reginald said? Maybe because he was always throwing the rest of them together? Either way, standing in front of her now, he wasn't sure how to talk to her or act around her. It was a very mean thought, but mostly Five felt like she was a part of the furniture in the house. She was there. He knew of her, but he had no use of her.

The cruelty of his own thoughts shocked him.

'You said something,' he heard her soft voice say breaking his trail of thoughts altogether.

'What?' he asked realizing what she said, 'Oh, yes, I wanted to congratulate you.'

He saw her blink behind her bangs and look up higher at him revealing her confused face, 'What?'

'You played very well today. I heard you across the hallway. It was very good,' he said and added a smirk.

He was surprised when instead of a smile or some relief he saw her face twist into a very upset look before she grabbed a hold of something inside her pocket no doubt the medication she was always forced to carry around and take. What for exactly? He couldn't remember at that moment. Did he ever know? Did he care until now?

Her lips trembled for a moment as she took a deep breath looking like she was ready to cry than smile or thank for the compliment, 'Sometimes, you can be very cruel, Number Five.'

Five blinked shocked by her words, but before he could ask what she meant they heard others approaching and Seven quickly turned around hurrying down the stairs not bothering to look back. Five was very confused, but as Four put his arm around him and started to force him down the stairs with him he didn't act on it.

During dinner, he usually spent the time thinking about his math, jumps or whatever nonsense had dad planned for them the next day. He rarely paid attention to what his siblings were doing least of all Seven.

After the incident on the stairs, he couldn't get what she told him out of his head so for the first time since ever he looked over at her. Unlike the rest of them who had their plates almost empty, she had all her food chopped in little pieces slowly taking in piece by piece chewing onto it for what seemed like ages looking just as miserable as the rest of them.

He didn't realize he was staring until she stopped and looked at him her eyes wide quickly looking away.

'Number Five, Number Seven,' Five suddenly heard Sir Reginald say and Seven closed her eyes and her cheeks turned a bit redder as she knew a public humiliation would follow.

'Are you taking part in some staring contest which would be beneficial to your digesting? Number Seven most of your siblings are already done with their foods. Do you wish to sit here all night?' he asked her and Five finally looked at him frowning.

'No, sir,' she said quietly looking at him from under her bangs.

'Good because I won't have Grace wait to clean up after you just because you take longer time, child. You need to learn that in a lifetime waits for no one.'

'I understand,' she said and waited.

Five didn't understand the meaning of the old man's lecture. He didn't want her to eat so slow telling her Grace will not wait for her with the dishes yet he was forbidding her from eating by forcing her to listen to his speech.

He opened his mouth to tell him so only to end up with a kick in the ankle. Not too strong, but the mere shock from receiving one caused him to jump a bit.

'Number Five?' asked Sir Reginald, but just as Five went to explain he ended up with another much softer kick realizing it was Seven. She kicked him? Why?

He didn't look at her, but stayed with his eyes at dad as he shook his head, 'Nothing, sir.'

He looked between the two before he nodded, 'Continue to eat. Whoever, will not finish by seven p.m will be cleaning his own dishes.'

Five kept his eyes on his plate since then, but from his peripheral vision, he tried to see if Seven was eating faster or not. She clearly wasn't since she ended up sitting by the table after seven p.m most likely ending up even longer since she had to clean the dishes. He waited in his room with the door open after dinner waiting for her to finally come but once she did she headed straight to her room closing the door. He could have called after her or stop her, but right after her was Grace on her heels clapping at all of them to hurry to bed because they needed to sleep before tomorrow's morning practice.

Five spared a single look at Seven's door, before going to his own room.

* * *

The next morning he purposely got up earlier and took a shower. Although he never paid attention to it, he knew that since Vanya didn't have morning practice like them, she had to take the showers last so if he went earlier he might have some time to talk to her.

He was right and when she finally came out of her room with a towel and clothes, she gave him a short glance before looking to the ground.

'I want to talk to you about yesterday,' he said noticing the way her forehead wrinkled a bit. She didn't reply which caused Five to frown, 'Are you listening to me? Seven?'

She sighed and nodded but didn't say a word.

Five didn't appreciate her being so rude, but he tried to look past it, 'Why did you kick me under the table?'

She blinked and looked up at him clearly upset before she again took a deep breath to calm herself and looked away, 'Didn't you cause me enough problems already?'

'How did I cause you problems? Because dad thought we were staring at each other-'

'You know he doesn't like me distracting you. He says it every time. He doesn't want me to talk to you or to keep you from your practice. You know this, so why did you have to stare at me? You knew he would only blame me for it.'

Five blinked at her speech not understand anything she said. How could he have known he would cause her problems? Sure, dad often told her not to distract them, but he assumed she was doing something like talking or trying to join practice not just looking at them. Yes, she was right. Dad did seem to put all the blame on her calling her out on her slow eating so she was right that he caused her trouble, but it was never his intention. He didn't purposely do any of it.

'I-'

The door to the bathroom opened and Six hurried out, 'Come on, Five. You'll be late.'

Vanya took that moment to sneak inside and lock the door after she closed it in his face. Strangely Five didn't even hold it against her. He couldn't afford to be late for morning practice so he rushed there instead of waiting for her. He also had a feeling she wouldn't come out until very later making sure he was gone by then.

* * *

'I don't think Number Seven likes me very much,' he told Six as they were waiting for their turn in the gym to run.

Right now it was Four's turn which bought Five some time alone with Six.

Six grimaced, 'I don't think Seven really likes or hates anyone. She always looks so...blank.'

Five sighed, 'Well, she really didn't look blank when I tried to talk to her today, and she called me cruel yesterday when I said I thought she played well. She did get better-'

'Wait, you don't know?' asked Six looking at him with his eyebrows raised. Apart from all his siblings, Five thought Six to be the most easiest to talk or deal with. He wasn't in a constant rivalry like One and Two or showing pure narcissism like Three, and he didn't have an explosive personality as Four did.

'What?' Five blinked.

'Yesterday, dad came to the hallway and heard her play. He told her she didn't learn anything and was slacking off of course he said his _special_ way,' said Six lowering his voice. Sir Reginald's _special_ way was to find the thing which would hurt you the most to hear and say it showing how little he cared and how useless you were. All the Hargreeves children were familiar with the way.

'Oh,' said Five realizing what happened. Right after dad told her she sucked, he showed up out of the blue saying she played well. He would assume it was a mockery too.

'Number Five, you're up,' said Reginald, but Five remained sitting still.

'Number Five, have you gotten deaf? Or are you lost in those fantasies you call scientific theories?' asked the old man.

'What are you doing?' whispered Six panicked, 'Five, get up there because he will punish all of us.'

Five blinked remembering how Seven got punished because he caused trouble for her and stood up much to Six's relief and possibly the others.

During lunch, he noticed once again how Seven was eating slowly in small bites, but he made sure not to look at her too long or for dad to notice. He also noticed that she kept her head down at all times, not looking up once at anyone until it was time to leave the table.

He waited for dad to leave pretending he wasn't done eating. He knew One and Three would go first trying to sneak some time together then Four, Two and Six heading to the library. Two to continue crafting the shelves in secret with his knife with dirty words Four thought him while smoking and Six to actually read something.

'Please leave me alone,' he heard Seven say the moment the others left the room.

Five gripped his knife tightly. He was upset she thought him to be so mean that he would cause her trouble on purpose or make fun of her.

His first instinct was to flat out call her out on it and defend himself, but he pushed it away seeing it would do him little good in trying to explain his intentions to be genuine.

'I'm sorry about before. I didn't know what dad told you about your playing. I really think you got better. I liked the song you played yesterday,' he explained putting the knife down and trying to catch her gaze, 'I don't want you to think anything bad of me. And I was only looking at you because I wanted to know why you thought I was cruel not to get you in trouble, Seven.'

She swallowed the food she was chewing before she looked at him her brown eyes barely visible from under her bags, 'Really?'

'Yes.'

She nodded, 'Okay, thank you.'

She hid her face again and a moment passed before she admitted in the same soft voice as always. Not too long to catch attention and distract anyone, 'No one likes my playing.'

'I do. It was good. You really got better,' he said with a smirk, 'Dad is a jerk. I know it's hard with the things he says, but try not to take them so close to heart? It will help you sleep better. Might cause him migraines if you do that, but at least it would be fun to watch.'

'Yeah,' she said and even with her hair in the way, he could see one corner up her lips up in a smile. He couldn't remember the last time seeing her smile until then but the moment he did, he recalled a fainted memory of her being maybe three or four years old laughing along with Three as they sat by a tiny table.

He nodded and tapped his fingers against the table. Usually whenever he had free time he went to take notes or work on his theories. He never took much consideration of leaving Seven alone. He never spent time with her in the first place, but now that he knew she wasn't upset with him anymore, he wasn't sure how to leave. It seemed a bit lonely to be eating on her own even if he knew she was used to it and caused it herself by eating so slow.

'Are you really a slow eater?' asked Five suddenly knowing it was probably rude, but Seven just blinked and looked at him before back at her plate, 'I get sick when I eat too fast. The pills spoiled my stomach.'

Five blinked, 'Does dad and Grace know?'

'Yes,' she shrugged, 'he told me it's normal, and I should consider myself lucky since others have fates far worst when they are unwell.'

'But if he knew so why did he punish you for being slow?' he asked and Seven sighed, 'I used to think it was too much food so I left a lot on the plate and it went to waste. Dad had Grace make me smaller meals, but soon I realized I was actually hungry if I didn't eat enough so I told him. He was upset with me but allowed Grace to make me ordinary meals it just takes longer now,' she explained finishing her food.

Five frowned. He had no idea about any of this. Dad often acted like a total jerk, but he never realized he was so mean to Seven personally.

'That's insane,' he said as a matter of fact and Seven chuckled a tiny bit, 'It's dad.'

'It's still bullshit,' he said and Seven sighed, 'Still dad.'

They were quiet for a while before Seven turned to look at him, 'You don't have to wait for me to finish. It will take a while, and I know you always work on your equations after when we have some spare time.'

Five blinked surprised. Clearly, Seven knew him better than he knew her, 'Yeah, but I'm taking a break today. I need to think about something else not to fry my brain completely.'

She watched him for a moment probably deciding if he was lying or not before she seemed to remember something, 'Oh. I read it's better to change between the different parts of the brain you use. Like when you do homework you should switch between hard and light things so you won't tire yourself too quickly or stagnate. So if you're using your brain too hard on math you could maybe go draw something or do some physical instead of mental activity.'

Five watched her momentary stunned because that was the longest he ever heard Seven spoke.

She caught into that as well because she hid behind her hair again, 'I mean...I read it...it's...forget it it's stup-'

'It's really clever,' he said cutting her doubts off seeing how she wanted to shrink into herself again, 'You're pretty smart. You shouldn't hide it.'

She grimaced, 'I'm no genius like you. I just like interesting facts.'

'Do you have some more?' he asked and thought about it for a moment before she started to talk about something other she read about learning. It was strangely fascinating to watch Seven talk so much. The more she spoke the more Five realize she really was smart. Not a genius sure, but she was book smart in a way she understood things quickly and memorized them rather well.

She then completely surprised him when she asked him about his new theory. No one ever asked him on their own. He used to _bother _them with his ramble until they told him to leave them alone, he never did try to talk to Seven about them though. It wasn't so bad. She was a good listener, and even if some things didn't really make sense to her she asked for explanation or comparison trying to add some inputs which even if not completely helpful did cause him to look at the problem differently. Maybe hanging out with Seven wasn't so bad. He could get used to it.

She finally finished her meal, cold and no doubt taking even longer than before because he was slowing her down with making her talk, but she didn't look too bothered by it.

They went to pick up their books and then headed together to their class having barely any time left.

Before she entered it, and they would have to go back to not speaking again, he caught her wrist and pulled her to the side away from the view, 'Tomorrow leave your door open when you practice.'

She blinked a few times her bangs not hiding her eyes this time or the rest of her hair her face as she gave him the smallest and prettiest smile he ever saw her make before she whispered, 'Okay.'

He knew no one ever asked her to play for them. He liked being the best and first in everything else, including this. He liked talking to her today and her playing. He would definitely like to spend more time with her. He thought they could be friends. He thought they could be close.

* * *

**Now**

It was all he was thinking about as he drove and then teleported up to Vanya's apartment. It looked the same as the night he came back and yet he noticed the bit of blood on the carpet and flinched.

He didn't hear anything, but there was this odd way he knew she was there. Whenever he was in the zoon working on his equation, she didn't have to say anything as she walked into his room, and he just knew it was her taking in her calm and lovely presence. It warmed and calmed his own soul back then. Everything she did back then calmed him. It was in contrast to the violent and abusive childhood their dad forced them into. In contrast to the way, his mind couldn't stop thinking about the equations. He used to think she was the only calm and steady thing in his life back then.

She was in the bedroom, the door was opened so he saw her as he slowly walked toward it.

She didn't turn to look at him, her eyes were fixed on the suit she had out for herself on the bed. He should have guessed she would go with a suit. She didn't like shirts or dresses and the way dad always knocked her down made her self-aware about herself. He remembered all of it now. All the nasty things dad did to her. He didn't think about any of them when he came back. He had other important things to think about, but he should have. He promised her that he would be her friend, be that for her, and he left. He never properly apologized for breaking his promise. He never considered how broken she was.

Five walked closer to her his eyes now focusing on her face. It was paler than usual. Her eyes were white. She wasn't herself. He could tell by the coldness in her eyes and lack of empathy on her face. Even when the pills numbed her down she was never uncaring. She cared too much. She felt too much. Wasn't that the whole problem?

Yet, Five felt a shiver run the back of his neck. This coldness wasn't hers. This coldness didn't belong to her. To his Vanya. He didn't recognize this woman. He wanted his Vanya back, not this stranger. That was all which was running through his head.

_Stranger. Stranger. Stranger. _

_Not mine. _

'We've been looking for you,' he said as she casually pulled down her sweater all of the sudden. She was getting ready for the concert. He noticed the flyer in the fucker's house.

She didn't answer just put the sweater on the bed and started to unbutton the shirt left on the bed while she was in her bra standing in front of him. Apparently, she didn't care he was there. She didn't care at all about anything.

He frowned at her for a second before he stepped closer knowing he was on a minefield. One wrong move and she would explode.

Her eyes moved toward him, but her expression stayed the same, cold and empty.

Five pushed down any fear he felt in that moment as if she could smell it off him like a predator would, 'Vanya.' World´s the greatest killer and look how his voice shook when he said her name.

She stopped in her work on the buttons and straightened up turning toward him now. At least he got something out of her.

She watched him in silence, and even if he felt weak and small under her gaze he took a step toward her again, 'Vanya, we've been worried about you.'

Nothing.

Five took another step, 'Did you destroy my room too?'

Nothing. Not even a hint of recognition. Did she really not care? Didn't she help him with half of those walls? When he handed her his notebook and told her which equations she should write where because his hand hurt, and she was always more than eager to help him? Weren't those walls _theirs_? All the work they put into it? Did none of that matter to her?

He felt his blood boiling as he continued to talk trying to get a reaction out of her anything, 'Did it feel good to kill Pogo? Mom?!'

Did she not feel anything for any of them? No compassion? No guilt over what she had done? To Mom at least? Mom who she loved so dearly? Pogo who she once told him she wished was their father instead? Did she have nothing of herself left inside to care?

He snapped at her, 'What about that fucker? Did it feel good to kill him?'

Something flashed behind her eyes for a second. Something small and brief, but Five saw it. He caught it.

He wished he didn't. He wished there wasn't a recognition. Not over _him_. Not over that guy.

He didn't even realize he teleported until he was in front of her grabbing her by the neck and shoving to the bed not caring about her white eyes or the windows rattling everywhere. Not giving a fuck about wrinkling her clothes for the concert, not even about the fact that he pinned her to the bed as he pushed his knee between her legs holding her by the neck feeling angrier than he ever did not just with her but in general. He wanted to crush her neck. He wanted to spit in her face. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do, but he wanted to hurt her. Only the darkest thoughts running inside his head now. Thoughts he shouldn't be thinking. Thoughts no one should be thinking about someone they cared about or claimed to care, but he couldn't help it. He felt hurt too. He felt hurt by what she did like it was a personal attack against him.

'Why the fuck did you go with him?!' he screamed at her face finally revealing the real issue. Maybe he didn't even care about the house and the memories of their childhood she buried when she took it down. Good or bad. Maybe he didn't even care about Grace or Pogo. Maybe it was all about pride and hurt of her choosing someone else. Choosing a different man who wasn't him even if rationally he knew she couldn't choose him even if she wanted to. But Five was not a good man. No. He was never good. He did what he had to, to survive in the mansion, in the apocalypse, in the commission. If he was fighting for the good guys' side it was just convenience, he knew so much. He was an asshole like the rest of his family.

Vanya's book never exposed him or angered him the way it did their siblings because all she wrote was the truth. She wrote nothing but the truth about him because he was all that. He was the proud genius child who thought he could do anything, who thought he could do no wrong. He was selfish and damned and he didn't care. But most of all he was her confidant and she was his and above all of that, he still cared for her more than anyone else.

His grip on her neck loosened and he sat on top of her motionless looking at her, 'Why didn't you come to me?'

She didn't move and didn't say anything just stared at him with the cold and expressionless face.

They stayed silent for a moment before Five said, 'I'm sorry I came back just to leave you again.' He couldn't blame it all on her. He couldn't blame it all on their self-absorb siblings, or that fucker who manipulated her into this, or dad. Some of the guilt, the blame, was all his to carry.

'I should have come sooner,' he said and let his fingers run through his hair, 'I ran around trying to find the key to stopping to apocalypse when all along it was you.'

He chuckled despite himself before looking down at her. He was still on top of her with her only in her bra, 'It was always you.'

He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers not really thinking about it anymore. They were cold like the rest of her which indicated that he might as well be kissing Delores right now. When he was a child, a real child, he used to think about kissing Vanya. Not this Vanya, but the girl who came to his room to talk or who he talked to. The girl who let her door opened and played for him a private concert no matter how many times Allison and Diego told her not to. The girl who was his partner in crime, best friend, and crush always hiding her shy smiles behind her hair and eyes behind her bags unless they were alone. The girl whose smile made him feel warm and tight inside in the most amazing way possible. The girl he left behind even when he promised he wouldn't. He imagined how their kiss would feel. He occasionally caught some scenes from the annoying shows Allison used to watch in her free time or saw the pictures from the magazines Klaus stole. He imagined it would be soft because her lips always looked soft and that one time she kissed his cheek it felt very soft. He also imagined it would be nice since he couldn't think of anything Vanya ever did that wouldn't be nice. He imagined it would be too much for him since sometimes the warmth and tightness of his chest, when she did something exceptionally cute, was proving to be too much for him.

He felt her kiss him back. For just a moment, but he felt it. It was nothing like his childhood fantasies predicted it to be. Yet, he wouldn't change it for anything in the world because it was real. Her lips were cold and soft but not as delicate as he thought them once to be. And the feeling inside him was more longing almost craving than anything else, but it was still perfect.

He broke the kiss looking down at her.

Her eyes were closed for the longest of time before she inhaled deeply and exhaled like she was preparing herself for a long hard speech. When her eyes opened, they were the same brown color they always were even if a bit sadder and tired than he remembered them.

'I'm sorry,' was the first thing he said, 'For breaking the promise.'

She watched him for a few moments the whiteness of her face and hair slowly fading away showing her in more natural colors, 'I'm sorry too.'

She closed her eyes again and her hands came to cover her face, 'Oh my God.'

She started to sob after that and then cry probably just now fully realizing and understanding what she did to Pogo, Grace, that she almost killed the others inside the house, Allison, maybe even the fucker Jenkins.

Five leaned down to lay on top of her one of his hand on top of her head and the other on her shoulder as he pressed his lips against her ear whispered sweet nonsense. That all would be alright and he would figure out a way to help her control her powers, that he wouldn't let anyone else ever get to her, or leave her ever again. Some things he could promise, others were comfort lies. She could probably tell most of them apart, but let him humor her and himself.

She let out of her hands to embrace him pulling him even closer to her while she remained on the bed crying letting him cover from her from the world outside and giving her what she needed to let it all out.

Even if not everything could be accomplished he wouldn't let her go now.

* * *

**A.N: Hey, again Merry Christmas again and Happy New Year 2020 and Happy any other event or holiday you celebrate. I hope everyone is having a good holiday season. I hope Sheri enjoys this story the most, but I almost anyone else who decided to take the time to read this. Thank you for reading and support and have a nice day.**


End file.
